“We’re shown so little of what healthy relationships look like”: What the Children, Violence and Vulnerability Survey Reveals About Abuse Facing Young Women and Girls

Understanding the scale of teenage relationship abuse

Every year, thousands of young people across England and Wales experience relationship violence. Our annual Children, Violence and Vulnerability survey, the largest household study of youth experiences of violence, hears directly from nearly 11,000 young people aged 13–17. It reveals the ways in which young people experience violence and the concerning extent of harms facing children in relationships. 

The shape of teenage relationship abuse  

This year we found that two in five teenagers in relationships had experienced emotional or physical abuse. That’s over one in ten teenagers – the equivalent of 390,000 children.  

This affects both girls and boys: 49% of girls and 45% of boys in relationships reported having either perpetrated or experienced relationship abuse in the past year.  

Whilst experience of abuse was common amongst all children, the way they experienced that abuse, and the impact it had on them, differs by gender. 

Girls in relationships were more likely to report carrying out behaviours such as: 

• checking a partner’s phone or social media 
• tracking their partner’s location 

Boys were more likely to report attempting to: 

• control who their partner saw 
• make their partner afraid to disagree 
• criticise their partner’s appearance 
• pressure their partner into sex 
• share explicit images 

When reflecting on their own experiences, girls were also more likely than boys to say a partner made them feel they couldn’t leave, made them afraid to disagree, criticised their appearance, or pressured them into sex. 

While younger boys were more likely than older boys to say they had committed relationship abuse, older girls (16–17) were significantly more likely than younger girls (13-15) to say they had experienced emotional or physical abuse. 

The toll on girls’ wellbeing  

Beyond abuse itself, the consequences can be felt long after in a young person’s life. Girls in our survey were significantly more likely than boys to say abuse made them change the way they looked (30% compared to 17% of boys). Almost half (45%) of all girls who experienced abuse said they’d felt down, bad about themselves or been worrying a lot. 

Exposure to violence is linked to greater risk 

A clear finding from this year’s survey is the link between exposure to violence at home, serious violence, and relationship abuse. 

Children who had witnessed or experienced physical abuse at home were: 

• three times more likely to have perpetrated emotional or physical relationship abuse 
• significantly more likely to view coercive sexual behaviour, including pressuring someone into sex, as acceptable 

Young people who had experienced serious violence requiring medical treatment were also significantly more likely to have both experienced and perpetrated relationship abuse. This is a crucial connection to understand. If you are working with young people affected by serious violence, the risks of perpetration and victimisation in relationships should be part of your response.  

Viewing violence online is increasing 

This year’s 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Abuse focuses on No Excuse for Online Abuse. Wider evidence shows that children are increasingly at risk in digital spaces. In 2022–23, the most common age of victims of online or tech-enabled VAWG was 10–15 years old. 

Our survey reinforces the importance of keeping children safe from this. Most children (70%) said they had been exposed to real-world acts of violence on social media, of which a quarter was sexually violent content. And 39% had seen material on social media that encouraged VAWG- up from 33% last year. 

We also found that children exposed to sexual violence online (and in person) are more likely to see it as acceptable, and those who see it as acceptable are more likely to perpetrate it themselves. 

Simran, from our Youth Advisory Board, said this: 

We need to take it upon us to challenge norms that social media has in normalising jealousy and control or possessiveness as signs of ‘love’. When these behaviours are glamorised as romantic this can blur the lines between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Furthermore, algorithmic influences from platforms can expose young people to toxic behaviours. Normalising this content can desensitise young people making harmful behaviours appear acceptable.

Violence against women and girls often starts in childhood 

These patterns echo a wider truth: while boys and girls can both be harmed, across lifetimes these experiences are overwhelmingly gendered.  

When we look at wider national evidence our data suggests the beginning of what too many women go on to face. 

• 97% of perpetrators of sexual offences are male 
• At least 1 in 12 women are victims of VAWG-related offences every year 
• 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted or face attempted assault in their lifetime 

These are not just issues affecting adults. Recent tragedies, including the murder of 17-year-old Lainie Williams, allegedly to have been murdered by an 18-year-old who she was previously in a relationship with, underscores the urgency of action. Many more deaths linked relationship violence, such as suicide, also go unrecognised. 

Reducing the risk of harm: what next 

A whole system approach is needed to prevent violence against women and girls (VAWG).  This means every institution and sector has a role to play, across education, health, local authorities, youth services, policing and youth justice. We know that one key part of the solution to this problem is making sure young people have access to good quality dating and relationship violence education.   

This foundational education is a critical part of challenging unhealthy norms, improving communication skills and conflict resolution skills, and improving early identification of warning signs that a relationship could lead to violence.  

To deliver this across education settings, we recommend the government should pilot and scale up a VAWG lead training grant in education settings. This should be used to appoint an existing staff member as a VAWG lead who can design and deliver a whole-setting VAWG strategy and deliver violence prevention lessons.   

Another member of our YEF Youth Advisory Board said: 

I also think it’s about educating them on what actually is relationship violence, and what like the different aspects of it. I think oftentimes when you think of it you think of just one thing and no, there’s so much different scenarios that can contribute to a relationship violence. So I think it’s about giving young people the resources and the understanding of what it is so they have the knowledge for themselves and they can see things a bit clearer.

Where next 

Violence has long-term repercussions on people’s identities, confidence and lives. We must never forget that behind all these statistics are children and young people dealing with the impact of fear, shame and control. 

Poppy, a member of Youth Advisory Board said: 

When I was 13, I was in a relationship that became abusive, and many of the patterns and behaviours highlighted in the report mirror what I went through. Seeing these experiences reflected in the data reinforces how common this issue is for young people and why early education and support are so important.

Over the next year, the Youth Endowment Fund will expand work on violence against women and girls, building a deeper evidence base on what works to prevent these harms. Only by identifying the most effective solutions and investing in what works can we really start to turn the tide of these harms.